For those that do know me, you will know that I haven’t been in formal employment since I left my role at Scouts at the end of my maternity leave in September 2017. It was a decision I didn’t take lightly, I loved my job (for the most part). I loved creating opportunities for young people and adults to experience new things, make memories and be a part of a movement that can change the lives for both its members and the communities in which they are based. BUT. I knew that for me, my daughter and our family, the right thing for us was for me to be at home focused on her upbringing.
Just to clarify, I am ANY parents biggest cheerleader, working, stay at home or whatever works for you. All that matters is a child is loved. Each family works differently.
In that time away from traditional employment, I re-trained as a Personal Trainer offering online training and running a couple of classes a week.
But Daisy turns two in 11 days. Two. She is a big old bundle of everything. Intelligent, inquisitive, stubborn, hard-bloody-work, fun, full of beans and ready for more. My sole focus for the past two years has been providing her with all that I can offer and we’ve now hit the time for both of us needing a bit of something else. During my time away from social media I secured a new job. Back at the place that stole my heart, The Scouts. It’s a new role covering a brand new pilot scheme and I can’t wait. The return to employment sparked up so many thoughts as I was looking, but what I will quickly say is – I’m so glad I have found an organisation to work for that understands families, promotes work/life balance and offers work that is rewarding, challenging and just so much to so many people.
But with me returning to work, it means it’s time for Daisy to start nursery. 2 days a week and she will be having the best time in the world with her favourite person (yep, over me and Chris!), my mum on the other day.
I have the most conflicted feelings, giving up a bit of the responsibility for her care after 2 years is going to be tough. I’m trusting (wonderful, well trained, kind) professionals with the care of the single most important thing in my world. I know she will be fine. I know she will thrive. But it makes my heart break at the same time. Just as I knew leaving my job in September 2017 was the right choice for my family, I know this is also the right choice. But it doesn’t stop it being hard.
This next month I just want time to slow down. Just for a little bit. I’m worried I’ll miss something. I’m worried I won’t be prepared…note that I’m saying me, not Daisy. I’m worried I won’t squeeze her tightly enough. I’m a big bundle of worry. And if I’m honest, I don’t know if that goes. From what people have said, it won’t. It’ll just transition into worry of another form. But what I do know, is that our little wildflower is so loved. I just hope she knows, too.
On that note, I’m really excited about my new venture. I’ll do another few posts soon about the role itself and a few of the things I noticed when I first looked at employment a couple of months ago.
Until then, just remember you’re doing the best you can. You’ll make decisions that will make you doubt yourself, but trust in yourself. Listen to your gut and if needs be, work out the logistics on the way.