…and other lies we tell ourselves.
Here are my top three.
“I’ll just quickly grab our stuff and nip to Tesco to grab some more broccoli (read: oven chips) for tea.”
This is my absolute favourite. Every time I start the process with such optimism int he hope that leaving the house doesn’t require the collection of approximately ALL THE THINGS THAT EXIST in your home and ALL THE TIME that exists in the world.
This is a typical ‘quick trip’ to Tesco (other supermarkets are available…). Get your shoes on. Get your child’s shoes on. Get your bag ready. Get your child’s bag ready. Get your coats ready (but not on yet – because puffy coats reduce the safety of car seats and adults thoroughly enjoy getting soaked while trying to wrestle a child into their coat with their bum and back hanging out the car for everyone in the car park to enjoy when you FINALLY arrive at your destination). Put everything in the car. Go to put child in car seat. Child has filled their nappy. Get child back out car seat and fish around for changing bag. Go back in the house. Change nappy. Get child dressed and back in car seat. Set off to Tesco. Child falls asleep on the drive there. Next hour is spent in Tesco car park wishing the Costa there was a drive through and regretting not going for a wee before you left. Finally get into Tesco and home. Realise you’ve not bought what you went for.
“I can’t wait for a child free night.”
You’ll spend most of the morning getting the bag ready for their overnight stay while hoping they nap like they usually do. You’ll drop them off at your mum’s. Feel sad when you say goodbye and they ignore you; while simultaneously feeling happy that they’re not sad you’re not there. Go out for a few drinks but not have too many because you don’t want to look after your child tomorrow with a hangover. Go to bed later than you normally would and wake up feeling more tired than usual with a hangover from 2 glasses of wine.
“Let’s watch a film when the children are asleep.”
The child eventually goes to sleep. You spend an hour tidying up the destruction site caused by your off spring. Then do the washing up. You’ll then sit on your phones side by side ignoring each other for an hour. Start to choose a film, get fed up and then go to bed.
What are your favourite lies you tell yourself? Child related or not!