I’m an all or nothing character. Completely. 100% in. 100% out. I don’t do well with my heart or morals being compromised. I’m a massive believer in if things don’t feel right, change something.
With that, however, comes a bit of a reputation. I start a lot of things and don’t see them through. It’s not for an inability to finish what I start. I think things need to fulfill you to warrant a place in your life – so I stop things when I don’t feel as though they’re positive for me. This is obviously a very sweeping generalisation, but I think you catch my drift.
Those who know me, know my background. I studied and trained for a lot of years for a career in the legal profession. I left Law. I worked for a youth organisation which I loved doing and left that. Now I’m a stay at home mum. I danced for well over a decade. I’ve learned and quit playing multiple musical instruments. I have about a dozen books with 3 chapters read scattered around my house. I was a competitive cheerleader for a year. I’ve ran a marathon. I’m the self-confessed World’s Worst Scout. I use multiple diaries a year because I see a new pretty one. It’s how I am, and I’m quite accepting of that now.
But being a mum, or indeed a parent, isn’t like that. You can’t be 100% out. Well you can, but let’s not go there. It’s a never-ending commitment. I can’t stop it and nor would I want to – even on the worst days.
When I was about 16 weeks into my pregnancy I started a blog about my journey. I loved writing. I started suffering with anxiety and it was one of the most amazing coping mechanisms I had. It helped me make new friends, we created a community. I felt so content. Towards the end of my pregnancy I was bloody huge, felt horrible and was just ready for our baby to arrive. So the posts stopped because even I was fed up of hearing me talk about that.
I did a couple of posts after Daisy’s arrival, but between managing a newborn, recovering from major surgery and coming to terms with a traumatic birth – I just didn’t have the time or energy to write. So my blog ended.
My little girl is nearly 1 now. I have missed blogging so much. This wasn’t a magpie situation for once. It really was just time and circumstance. I’m so glad to be back. My heart will always belong with communicating and hoping to reach people.
I’d love it if you would join me, again. Re-build our ‘Feeling Like Me’ community that we had. Talk to teach other. Support each other. Answer each other’s questions (and mine!) – parenting or not! I haven’t stopped being me since having Daisy, nor has any other parent; even if we forget that sometimes.
This jack of all trades is back; mastering mum. I’m hanging around this time. And I know I’m not alone when I feel like parenting is a bit like being a newborn foal shoved out onto a New York Fashion Week catwalk